You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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