Will you blow on my dice?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
