You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
