After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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