Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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