My hair reeks of homosexuality.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
