Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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