So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
