does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize
