He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
