dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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