Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
