her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
