I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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