around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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