I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
