He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
