Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
