lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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