So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
