He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
