I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
