Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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