Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He shit in the fireplace
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
