My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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