I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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