Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
3 2 1 whiskey
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
