Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
