She is in my trunk
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
