you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
