i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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