She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I will pee on everything he values.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I deserve this hangover.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
