You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
