Your face is a jimmy john
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
