We're like a lot better than the average bears
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
