belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
