There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And then my night got REAL pukey
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
