He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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