We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she looked like the before picture.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
