so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
