Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I would ride that face into the sunset
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
