she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize