I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
