mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
