You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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