I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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