And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
