seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
