Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
