i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
