So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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