what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
