All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
