clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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