Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
