im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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