my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's Friday. Sex?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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