I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
