So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
