I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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