Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize