So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Only a mothe r could love this liver
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
