Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
