I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
